Marriage In Crisis
Well, the truth is, this type of situation has become so prevalent that this ’normalcy’ is one of the leading causes of divorce.
By accepting this situation as normal, you fail to act which ends up with a marriage in crisis.
Perhaps your busy lives, careers, extended family and children’s activities have kept you both so busy that you have let your marital relationship take a back seat.
But realizing the strength of your marriage is the backbone which supports all these other activities and determining to put it first is the best thing you can do for all concerned.
No matter how long you’ve been married, there is no reason to let your marriage fail when there is help available. You must be proactive to prevent a divorce or separation when you have a marriage in crisis.
Some Warning Signs of a Marriage in Crisis – - -
Resentment: This is a killer for a marriage relationship. If either of you is resentful toward the other for any reason, this needs to be brought to the table and discussed honestly. Whatever the cause, if one partner feels they are carrying too much responsibility of any kind, there will be hurtful remarks, stony silence, withholding of sexual contact, and overall hostility (both overt and covert).
Lack of Communication: When the conversation between you has dwindled down to grunts, slurs, instructions, shopping lists, etc., you can be sure you are well on the way to having a marriage in crisis.
Personality Disconnect: When you realize you really don’t like your partner anymore, this is a big red flag. You have begun to notice personality flaws in your partner; you never minded them before, but suddenly you can’t abide them and feel you must try to change your partner to suit yourself. Does it make you wonder why you are suddenly bothered by them? This could be a big indication that you have a marriage in crisis. Liking each other is just as important as loving each other in order to have a happy marriage.
Friends and Foes: Do you find that you had rather be with your friends than with your spouse? Does your spouse prefer to spend their time with friends in preference to you? This is another red flag. Why is this case? You two used to spend most all your time together; what happened?
Sex: Intimacy is the joy and strength of a marriage but unfortunately, it is one of the first casualties of a marriage in crisis. Since sex is not just a bodily function but also a mental and spiritual experience, it must be considered in the overall context to realize its importance.
When a married couple has sex, it should be the coming together of minds, hearts, souls, and bodies. This is the glue which welds a couple and the sexually satisfied couple can work out any other problems their lives present to them. So if this is a problem in your marriage, attack it with vigor; determine the reason for your lack of intimacy and fix the problem. Then you will be able to work out the other issues.
NOTE: Sexual intimacy is not just the act of intercourse; it is touching, kissing, stroking the hair, body language, tender smiles and loving glances. No matter how old you are or how long you’ve been married, these things never lose their importance.
By now, you may have already determined that you have a marriage in crisis. If not in actual crisis, maybe it just needs a little more work. But if the situation is getting very serious, you must get to work immediately to fix the problems. By proper communication, a willingness on the part of both partners to change the bad habits which damage the relationship, and a realization that your marriage is worth saving, you can create a stronger, healthier relationship.
In order to mend a marriage in crisis, remember that communication is the first step. Sit down and quietly discuss your differences without accusations and bitterness. Try to listen with your heart as well as your ears to what your partner is really saying.
When you realize you have been wrong, apologize sincerely and vow to work on making any needed changes. If you have been wronged and your partner apologizes to you, accept their apology, and forget about it.
Don’t dredge up past problems and use them as a club. In any communication, be respectful in word and tone. Don’t raise your voice, don’t whine, and for goodness sake don’t argue!
Make a plan to spend more alone time together. If you have to drop a couple of outside activities, do it. In the end, saving your marriage is infinitely more important. Plan a date night once a week if possible or at least every two weeks.
If money is short, it could be something as simple as going for a short nightly walk, or perhaps a picnic in the park. The object is not what to do; it is to be alone together to recapture the romance of your first love.
Just because you see warning signs of a marriage in crisis this does not mean it can’t be fixed. But is does mean you both need to get to work to correct the problems before they get out of control. By doing so, you will both come out of it better persons, and will have a marriage that is better now than at the beginning.